Why I No Istiqomah Wear the Niqab (written version)

Here's the written version for this video.

I wrote this script because I don’t want to waste time. Because usually I’d think before I talk. So here goes. Assalamualaikum. Ive been thinking about this for awhile now, and I’ve done my istikharah. So I decided to make this video to explain to all and get this out of my chest for good. I’m not wearing my niqab now, in this video, and the reason is you will find out soon in this video.

The reason why I’m on and off with wearing niqab is because of my different perspective and thoughts towards niqab wearing. I swear wallahi I wear the niqab sincerely for Allah, and nothing else. It even brings me goosebumps by the fact that no one close to me, neither my friends or my family wear the niqab, and barely even see a niqabi my whole life in front of my eyes, but yet Allah has touched my heart and I know for certain reasons(which I’m not sure of) He wants me to wear it. I always ask myself, why does He want me to wear it, if He knows I won’t be istiqomah in wearing it because of my complicated situation like studying in local university, going to be a future teacher insyaAllah and surrounded by people who don’t wear the niqab. But yet, I still try to wear the niqab, no one around me wears it, so Allah taught me how. He made me come by certain artikals of other niqabis that wore the niqab, He made me meet new niqabi friends who taught me along the way, of how to eat with the niqab, He made it easier for me to find people that sell plus sized hijabs with niqabs. I was surprised. I didn’t know there were so many who sell them online. And I found a whole community of muslimah who stuck up for each other through thick and thin in this lovely ukhuwah fillah towards a better life blessed by Allah. And not to mention I learnt a lot about Islam through my journey. I don’t have that much of an Islamic background. I went to normal school in convent, proceeded to technical school, took diploma in computer science and currently learning in arts. I didn’t even go to sekolah agama rakyat during my primary years! But it’s never to late to learn more about Islam. And the Islam I know now, is the Islam I love so much. A good decent way of life, Alhamdulilah, I’m so grateful to be born Islam.
But anyway, to me, wearing the niqab has brought me close to Allah. I feel so close to Him whenever I wear it, and I become so cautious of things, the way I act, the way I speak, the clothes that cover my body, Whether they are properly covered or not? Because wearing the niqab makes me perfect every single way that I am. And that’s the wonderful thing about niqab. But for me, wearing it all the time, just like you wear your glasses, you tend to forget they are even there when you get used to wearing them, and soon enough when you’re getting your wuduk, you get them all wet, because you thought you’d already  taken them off. I don’t want to get used to niqab until I forget of the main reason why I wear it. To me, it is better to wear it now and then as long as you embrace it EVERY time you get a chance to wear it. That is why I’m not istiqomah wearing it. Because I wear it not because of sunnah entirely, not because of wanting to be a better muslimah, those are just the side qualities I gained, but mainly I wear it to be more closer to Allah, and for Allah alone. That is why I don’t care that much what people would say behind my back, but now I realize that what I’m doing is not just ruining the image of niqabis, but also the image of Islam as a whole. And I shouldn’t be selfish. Just because of wanting to be more closer to Allah, I ignore those around me who really fight for Islam and maintain a good image of Islam, and here I am being selfish. Hugging Allah to myself.

so I thought this through, and I’m going to take down all my pictures wearing a niqab. I’m not going to wear the niqab in any of my online pictures, I’m not going to post a video in niqab anymore. I won’t delete my past videos, I’ll just leave it there for educational purposes for those who are new to Islam, or just beginning to learn how to wear the niqab, cause I know how difficult it is to learn how to wear the niqab all by myself. But anyway, I’ll still wear the niqab outside, in real life, because no body would know it was me. I won’t wear it here online anymore, because it would just bring fitnah, because everyone all over the world is seeing this girl on and off with her niqab, and that’s not very good. So yeah.
I want to take this opportunity to apologize to all niqabis out there who have been offended, who was disappointed , sad, angry about my stupid actions (without thinking long term, as I usually do). That’s just me. But I try and learn from my mistakes. After all, every day we’re learning, right?

I hope this video will help to realize all of you of my weird behavior, some might be able to accept, some might not, probably because of our different opinions and knowledge. Some people know alittle, some people know a lot, and some people just know too much to even accept other people’s point of view, but oh well, that’s normal.
I guess that’s all. You can unsubscribe me if you want. Cause after this I’ll just be uploading normal vlogs like I use to, and mainly for friends only. Dari dulu lagi, I never had an ambition of being famous like other vloggers, because I’m comfortable with my small community of friends. I have that kinda small zone I like to hang out with you know. I’m not that bright and clever or creative to make bombastic videos useful for everybody. But I love to vlog to just be there, and make my friends happy watching my videos. That’s just me.
So That’s all from me, Happy fasting, and I’ll see you guys again after Raya or sooner, insyaAllah… assalamualaikum.