I pretty much didn't know what title to put on, cause I want to talk about random stuff here, so I just typed in today's date. Anyway, first thing I want to talk about is my love life. If you want to skip, you can start reading below the line. :)
Anyway, I had a very weird feeling earlier this evening. I felt my heart was racing and thumping, not in forward motion but kinda wild all over the place, like in The Mask cartoon. I kinda felt like suffocating, I wasn't sure if it was because of my heart, or because I didn't have my dinner yet, but oh well.
I'm kinda in a delemma cause I'm getting to know this guy, Mr MF, I just met in Tagged. (before you guys get all frantic about 'online mate conspiracies', let me just say that he's not one of them, and I can feel it in my gut). So yeah, my ex, Mr IR wants me to wait till I finish my studies to get back to him. But I dunno. Somehow, deep down inside, I know he still loves me, but how can I survive 3 years without his support and act as if I don't even know him in real life? I'm loyal, but this is just too much. I don't think it's fair for me and I'm really afraid that 3 years, he might just find some other girl and fall in love with her, and I'd waste my wait for him and get hurt again.
In the other hand, Mr MF seems like he supports everything I'm doing, and he has that sweet talk that makes you smile all by yourself like silly. But I don't know. Maybe after three years of loyalty, and ending like this all so suddenly, I feel as if I'm too afraid to go on with a new relationship. I'm just afraid I'll get hurt again. I'm also afraid that I won't be able to love him, since I once had that experience with Mr MA, where I just broke up with Mr AF. I had a relationship with Mr MA, because he wanted to befriends with me so badly. So I thought I'd give him a chance. BUT i was WRONG. Of course, I got over my previous boyfriend, Mr AF, but still, Mr MA just couldn't fit with me after I found out who he really was. A big pain in the ass, not to mention a real BIG backstabber. I really hated him, but I hated myself more for letting myself accept him in the first place just to make me forget about Mr AF.
So I didn't want to make the same mistake again. I Don't want to accept Mr MF, just because I want to make myself forget Mr IR. I just don't know what to do, and what choice to make. It gets even harder when a new person comes into the picture. Haih... :(
So I did my istikharah. Now I'm just waiting for the sign. And until I figure it out, I won't come to either of them. We'll just see who will fit the spot.
In the mean time, I'll just mind my own business with other stuff around me. But anyway, when I get the answer, I'll just keep it to myself and live life happily and just follow the flow towards the right person :)
InsyaAllah... Ya Allah, please show me the way :')
The second thing I want to talk about is about a post 'someone' posted on Facebook about niqab wearing. I just don't get it. Why would you want to stop someone who is so eager to wear the niqab, just because you're afraid she won't be istiqomah thus creating a bad image for other niqabis out there?
I really want to make a video about this. Not because I don't approve of their opinion, but because I want them to understand my point of view and respect it instead of being blinded by their own opinion till they can't see other angles of the matter.
But try to see it this way; Wearing niqab is quite similar to wearing hijab. (below are statements according to what I believe in)
a1: Hijab is WAJIB
a2: Niqab is SUNNAH
It clearly states in the Al-Quran. I didn't google it. In fact, I found it while I was going through Surah Al Ahzab. There are 3 Verses that states that the Prophet's wives were commanded by Allah to cover their faces. You can look it up. Verses 53, 55 and 59.
b1: Not everyone wears the hijab
b2: Not everyone wears the niqab
Why? because those who don't wear, either don't know the purpose of wearing, or they're denying THE fact about them, that is a1 and a2 ; Hijab is wajib and niqab is sunnah. Because those who don't cover their hair, and bossoms, are denying the written statement from Allah in Surah An-Nur Verse 21, and those who choose not to wear the niqab are denying the syafaat of Muhammad (PBU). The prophet promises to give syafaat to those who love and lives in his sunnahs. So aren't these people in grave waste to just not even try?
c1: Some wear the long hijab (tudung labuh) and some wear pashminas, satin shawls and roofed hijabs.
c2: Some wear half niqabs, some wear full niqabs, some even wear burqa (which covers everything, including the eyes).
All kinds are for one purpose. c1 - to cover the hair and bossoms. c2 - to cover a part of the face AKA a screening on their faces to sheild from ajnabi. So it doesn't matter what kind of cloth, or what design, as long as they fit in the requirements of syariah.
d1: Some people are not istiqomah/constent, they put on their hijabs, they take them off, they put it back on.
d2: Some people are not istiqomah/constent, they put on their niqabs, they take them off, they put it back on.
I won't go into which one has more pahala and which is more sinful, because I am not Allah, I'm human, I don't have the right to sentence anyone to Hell or Heaven. I don't have the right to say who is much better. Because the fact is, only Allah knows where our fate lies, because only He knows our real intentions. Our purpose as humans are to think positive and don't judge people that easily just by what we see or feel. Yea I know, it is wajib to cover the hair and bossoms, so by not being istiqomah, is kinda like playing around with Allah's rules. THAT'S WHAT WE THINK. Who knows, Allah loves them more than us, because of their jihad to be a better person. Who knows, they might come from a family who all don't wear a hijab, so they don't have enough support from those who do. Who knows, they might not have the push to keep on wearing, because they don't have anyone to guide them correctly but Allah alone? The same goes for niqab. Do you think its easy to learn how to wear the niqab, how to eat with it, how to preserve its quality by perserving the modesty of the whole dressing of yourself from head to toe? And to learn it all by Allah's guidance. No one close to me, wears the niqab. Allah guided me. He sent me online friends who taught me, He made me pass by information I needed by various trusted references. I researched no alone, but with Allah's help. And with the strength He gave me, I learned a whole new world. The niqabi world.
Yes, I chose to go through it. I love it. I was dying to wear the niqab over and over again, not because of trend, or just to be a better muslimah. NO. I was dying to be more closer to Allah, because I felt so washed away from Him :( I needed Him. I pleaded for Him to come back and guide me, cause I felt like life was so ruined, and I didn't know where else to go. Nobody could help me, except Him. Through niqab wearing, I learnt how Niqabis were strong, and to overcome the stares, the cold talk from people, to debate and stand by their dignity snd choice not to take off their niqab, even when people told them they HAD to take it off because of small childish reasons. I'm proud of niqabis who are istiqomah. But for me, 'not being istiqomah' is not wrong. Whether you 'chose' to be not istiqomah or your 'forced' to not be istiqomah, its ok. As long as you wear it for the love of sunnah, love of Rasulullah EVERY single time you get the chance to wear it.
For me, because my intention is truly to please Allah and not humans / society, I don't care what people would say behind my back, because if I chose to not wear, or wear the niqab it's between me and Allah. And we as humans have no right to STOP someone who is really eager to wear the niqab, just because we think they are not ready to be istiqomah in wearing it, and to prevent them from ruining the image of niqabis all together.
e1: Some shawls or hijab are too short and don't cover the bossoms
e2: Some people where niqabs but wear unappropriate attire, such as tight jeans.
Yes, they did something, wrong. So tell them nicely. Dakwah as polite as possible. We want them to love Islam not hate it by setting them rules that make them think "there's no hope" of becoming a better muslim. Give them hope! Encourage them! Show them the right way in a proper manner. Some of them might not have enough knowledge as we do. Teach them. Not talk behind their backs and assume they are all good for nothing. It's rude! And definately, we should not say things like,
"If you don't want to cover properly, than you better be back to not wearing a hijab at all"
"If you don't know how to dress properly, than you better not wear the niqab and ruin it for the rest of the niqabis out there"
What would happen if they were all low self esteem? They'd go back to the old self, and afraid of hijrah that was meant to be one RAHMAT from Allah. Well done, for ruining their lives.
Anyway, if you are someone (reading this), that wants to change to be a better muslimah, all I have to say is, IF you really want to know Islam more, and your intention is to be more closer to Allah, forget what other people say about you. Whether you're istiqomah or not, doesn't matter. What matters is you're sincerely pleasing Allah. That's all that matters. Don't look at the people around you. Assume they're not even there. Allah knows what your doing. If you want to change, ask for His help, He'll guide you, and He'll send people to help you through too. :) Yang penting kena usaha sikit. Don't just wait for a miracle to come. Search for it. It's just like searching for buried treasure. You go through map, follow the steps, and when you find it, don't look else where, but the 'X' that marks the spot, and dig, don't do anything but dig till you find the treasure. Once you've found it, say Alhamdulilah for the treasure (Hidayah/feeling of being blessed) and share the pieces of treasure (knowledge) to others.
^^ May Allah bless you all. Ameen...